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Why Narcissists are Addicted to Pornography
By Lisa E. Scott | June 2, 2009
A new member of our forum brought this topic up today so I thought I would copy and paste some text from my book, which explains why narcissists are addicted to porn. If your narcissist is addicted to porn, please know this is not your fault. It has nothing to do with you. It’s all about him!
Narcissists do not see women in a healthy way. They are unable to see a woman as cute (i.e. sweet) and sexy at the same time. No, narcissists categorize women into one of two separate categories—saintly or sexy. They have a very difficult time seeing a woman as both. To them, a woman is either one or the other, but never both. This is what psychologists refer to as a Madonna-whore complex.
If a woman is sweet and nice, she is classified as a Madonna. If she challenges him, she is defined as a whore. A Madonna is sexless. A whore turns a narcissist on like nothing else. In the beginning of a relationship, every woman is sexy to a narcissist because the thrill of the chase makes her enticing. The harder to get she plays, the sexier she becomes. However, once she has been conquered by the narcissist, she slowly loses her desirability. The more comfortable the relationship becomes and the more caring she becomes, the less enticing she is to him sexually. She loses her sex appeal and becomes a saintly Madonna figure.
A Madonna fulfills a narcissist’s need to be catered to like a child. A whore fulfills his adult sexual needs. A whore is the only type of woman that turns a narcissist on. A Madonna is completely sexless. Over time, any woman who is good and caring to a narcissist will inevitably become sexless.
Many narcissists revert to pornography at this point, because it portrays women as whores. Pornography is degrading to women, and this is exactly what turns a narcissist on. Many become addicted to pornography.
A narcissist eventually withdraws sexually from any type of intimate relationship you once had with him. I believe it is inevitable in any long-term relationship with a narcissist. You become sexless. You become the Madonna. He still needs you, no doubt. However, this is not because he is in love with you in any adult or mature way. He needs you to continue to cater to his needs. He needs you to ensure that someone will always be present to stroke his ego, should the outside world fall short of his expectations.
I fear the easy access young teenagers have to pornography today breeds narcissism. When pornography is a teenager’s first introduction to sex, I believe it skews their understanding of it. Instead of learning that sex is something you save for someone you love, they see people having sex with many random people in pornography.
What does this tell teens about sex? It tells them that sex is not sacred. It teaches them that sex need not be reserved for only the one you love. Many teens today are learning about sex and love through pornography. As a result, I believe they see the two as mutually exclusive.
In other words, they see sex and love as two completely separate entities, which is precisely how a narcissist views them. A narcissist does not view sex as a reflection of one’s love for another. He views sex as something completely separate from love. To a narcissist, love is sexless, pure, and saintly, whereas sex is dirty and reserved for whores.
Topics: Narcissism | 4 Comments »
June 3rd, 2009 at 9:18 am
You are correct. Viewing pornography skews the brain. This is the reason a lot of people who view pornography abhore it but love it. We call it the two-part brain. You can learn more by watching our presentation: Pornography The Perfect Poision http://www.innergold.com/pptVideo.cfm
This presentation explains what happens when people view pornography and its affect on their brain.
July 11th, 2009 at 2:50 am
The connection between narcissistic tendencies and porn addiction is intriguing.
I’d certainly agree with the causal link, ie. narcissistic guys veering away from their saintly partners and turning to porn.
And as you suggest, compulsive porn viewing can lead to a Madonna-whore outlook towards women and sexuality. Guys who struggle with porn may have no NPD tendencies, but they end up with the same ambivalence towards their loving partners.
So narcissism appears to be both a cause of porn addiction and an aftereffect. For relationships, that’s a very detrimental loop.
July 13th, 2009 at 12:01 am
I think what you are saying here about narcissism & pornography is largely correct, & I cannot disagree with your analysis. But I would suggest that porn only feeds the narcissism, a person who is strongly narcissistic in the first place (i.e. narcissistic personality trait) cannot love another person truly anyway, nor can they truly love themselves either. That’s the problem with being a narcissist. Pornography I would suggest DOESN’T turn them into a narcissist but it does make those traits worse perhaps.
October 16th, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Porn addiction to the narcissist is just another source of narcissistic supply. They are there to please him. And since narcissists lack any empathy, they are incapable of forming true intimacy with a real person. They live in a fantasy, and this is only an extension of that world.